Oct 242001

With every loveless act I perceive or experience someone is supposed to be the victim and another the perpetrator but that’s not the way I deeply inside know it to be. Anyone who has had some experience with performing in a graceful and effortless way, like catching a ball without knowing how (s)he did it, is aware of the fact that feeling one with what I’m supposed to be separate from is a very natural and healing experience.

It’s always me on both sides of the dualistic act. I can only see this in a moment of quiet reflection; otherwise it’s lost to me. Yes, I too know the attraction of shortsightedness when feeling guilty; I know the easy indifference and complacency that wants to pose as innocence while someone else must be the evildoer; I know the tempting violence of rage when I’m in conflict with myself. Suffering is always about this basic conflict within: I want to live in peace yet do not want to accept the fact that I am wholly relentless and uncompromising love. The fear of being whole and undivided is my deepest fear. Imagine me loving all my enemies without exception; no one being left to blame for anything! For a sucker like me, hopelessly hooked on separation, it’s an abominable thought, isn’t it?

I wonder, however, why all this energy invested in fear can show such a remarkable lack of staying power. Why doesn’t fear appeal to me in a moment of peace and innocence? If fear is real it should certainly be able to hold its ground in a non-threatening situation, shouldn’t it? So, why does it fade then like a dream? Can anything be real that won’t stand up to quiet open eyes? Obviously there are no forces that fear could muster to deal with naked reality, simply because fear and reality are mutually exclusive. Anyway, what power could be greater than the one that always can face anything in a state of innocence and peace?

A related question is, why do I usually feel so defensive about my fear and its sorrowful offspring: guilt, shame, anger, jealousy, hatred, etc.? If this is reality – the plain and simple truth – how could it possibly be threatened? Is there anything outside reality that has to be taken seriously? In short, by feeling defensive about anything I implicitly admit that I do not trust its unquestionable reality myself. After all, the truth is far beyond the level of consciousness where attack seems to make sense and therefore truth needs no defense. All That Is simply IS. Would reality be gone if I would let go of it, for a moment, or even for a lifetime? Of course it would still be waiting for me no matter what crazy pranks I play. As soon as I return to peace I experience all that’s real and nothing remains of what is unreal. Inner peace is the touchstone of reality. Every sorrow, every sting of remorse, every worry, dissolves in inner peace and only my love feels completely at home here.

Now, where do I find this inner peace? Could it be found by frantically searching for a path in time and space? Wouldn’t that be taking fear as a guide to what fear cannot even see? Where could I go to end the misery of separation from what I am? Of course only to one who knows. And it just so happens that this ultimate wisdom already belongs to me forever, if only I would be willing to accept it by letting go of my own fear based judgment. Even when I partially and reluctantly accept it for only a moment it’s already a great relief. Inner peace is the inevitable result of my unconditional surrender to the love I am. By giving others the forgiveness I need to receive from them myself I begin to experience the wholeness of All That Is.

To see why the other is indispensable in my realization of wholeness let me consider the fearful concept of ‘the other’ for a moment. How would my spiritual vision see this? Is there anything real that can be other than All That Is? Obviously ‘the other’ has become my cornerstone of separation. As long as I’m afraid of another I’m afraid of being whole. That’s why the other has to be my point of application for the healing – the making whole – of both of us. “Love your neighbor as yourself” is a very practical advice to stop the suffering of separation immediately, as soon as I accept it.

 Posted by at 11:39