Dec 312001

The only error I can make in any situation, is going against my innermost wish. That means denying myself what I really, really want. Not, what the illusion of a separate ego wants but what my being part of All That Is wants. Whatever is supposed to be wrong, this is the mother of all errors. Love is what I am and every loveless thought or act of mine is an onslaught on myself.

Yes, all so-called evil starts with me. I’m not saying this to run myself down. Just imagine, for a moment, that I am the only being left on earth. No others anymore to threaten or to harm me. Would that be the end of evil? Suppose I hit myself then while hammering in a nail. Wouldn’t I curse God or the cruel universe all the same? Would the world automatically have become a better place? Would I now finally be able to live and die peacefully? Would this be heaven or might it be just as well plain hell? My habitual self-torture is bound to become evident when there’s no one left to blame.

When I commit such an error of unmindfulness – and it happens often – there’s no need to feel guilty, or fear divine punishment, or karmic retribution. How could I sin against myself? Retribution and punishment belong to the mindset of an unforgiving but illusory ego, not to reality.

Any error can be made undone because it is not real. There is no error that is too big to be remedied because the non-existence of illusions is not divisible by degrees. To let my error be made undone, it’s enough, first, to see that I’ve chosen something I really do not want, and next, to let go of it by offering the whole mess to Universal Spirit, God, Buddha Nature, Higher Self, or whatever supreme being I believe in. My Supreme Being can be trusted to turn all wrongdoing into a blessing. Why? Because reality is changeless love and not feeling blessed only means I’m suffering from delusions – which can be healed.

Whenever this healing does not work for me, it’s because I think I cannot forgive myself. I do not want to believe it’s that simple. I refuse to believe that I have to do nothing, except be willing to accept. As a being living in conflict with itself I do believe that evil is real and that I am punishable by death.

For these intense feelings of guilt the only remedy left is forgiving someone else first, because my willingness to overlook any errors clears up the mess both inwardly and outwardly at one sweep. This means that I finally can accept forgiveness for myself too. Forgiveness is a change of mind that heals and healing is very contagious. The other will be more forgiving, too, and receiving forgiveness in return is a most convincing proof of my love’s reality. Therefore, in order to free myself from guilt and be at peace with myself again I need to forgive the other. Since blaming others for the errors I’ve projected on them is my usual behavior, it isn’t hard to find someone I can forgive and thereby set myself free.

Now, what about the unforgivable acts of others towards me? If all evil starts with me, wouldn’t healing have to start with me too? If it’s all about accepting the love I am, could I leave that to others? In situations like this I need unconditional surrender to my Supreme Being more than ever because my deluded mind cannot heal itself. If we cut out all the spiritual crap it simply boils down to this: I must ask for help. That my asking happens to be the beginning of surrender and that help will therefore inevitably come, is not my concern now. Just ask.

 Posted by at 11:48