Sep 182004

“One formula or concept of God should not and cannot be forced on all.”

“First Source is connected to individuals not organizations.” (Wingmakers)

At some point in time last night I felt intense queasiness. I mentioned this to my mother. I had a sip of water, got engrossed in what I was watching on television, then I fell asleep. After about an hour my mother woke me up to ask if I was feeling OK. I said I was. I woke up this morning and the first thing my mother asked me was if I was feeling OK. I asked her why she was asking. She reminded me I had felt queasy last night. It seemed like a lifetime ago and I had honestly forgotten about it. I told her I was perfectly fine, and thanked her for asking.

You see that’s my mother’s way and I realise she means well. She sees illness or whatever as occurring in time which takes a long time to heal. Sometimes I wonder why I bother telling her stuff when she’s only going to prolong the experience in her reality. I know she has her way of dealing with things and I don’t force my way upon her, yet I share my experiences so she can get another perspective. Unfortunately, she regards my experiences as anomalies that only happen to her daughter, who is not like most people, but not the norm. She has witnessed me experience instant healing yet she still expects healing to take time. Whenever she has been ill, I always suggest she goes to the doctor and my way, but she chooses what she is comfortable with at the time. Sometimes she asks for help but most times she does what she believes in the most. At least she has stopped telling me to take pills. Bless! I guess we agree to disagree; she takes what works for her, I use what works for me.

My mother and I watched a documentary the other night about vitamin supplements and whether they work or not. There were conflicting scientific evidence. My mother remarked that maybe people should eat a balanced meal, after all there are too many conflicting views about whether supplements work or not. I said that maybe people should just eat what they like. In the last week, I’ve been having one meal a day consisting of a marmalade sandwich, crisps and a bar of chocolate. I’m still alive and kicking.

You might have guessed by now that I don’t follow what the collective consciousness believes to be true. By collective, I am referring to all group consciousness whether it is the human consciousness, a group that follows a particular teaching, a belief, or whatever. I am my own religion. Take the example of my mother’s concern for my health. I know she means well and it is her way of loving me, but that type of love is not my idea of love. That type of love regards the sickness as real and that it has to take its effects and heal somewhere in time. I’m sure many people share my mother’s view.

There are group consciousness who follow particular teachings who also mean well, yet there is a danger of expecting others to experience reality in the same way and to grow collectively. That is not my way. Imagine you are taking a course at college and you’ve worked hard and achieved A+ in your exams. Your lecturer tells you, because the rest of the class hasn’t done as well, she is going to down-grade you by the group average, which is C+. How would you feel? Outraged, I’m sure. In the same way, group consciousness tries to pull people down if they go against the collective belief or teacher. You either act like us or you’re against us. We might all be experiencing the same teachings, but how we understand and demonstrate the teachings is not going to be the same. It all depends on one’s motivation and practise.

That is not to say I don’t connect with others. I share truth with others of course who have similar goals but that’s as far as I go. Two weeks ago I went to a Scientology meeting. The Hollywood movie star, Tom Cruise, was in London promoting his latest movie and was interviewed on television. They had recorded his interview, as Tom Cruise is a practising Scientologist. We watched the video. From what I got from the experience, we share similar views insofar as one’s experience of reality is dependent on one’s beliefs. I had a look at what the founder, L Ron Hubbard, has to say and found his teachings very similar to many truth teachings out there. They use their own jargons like many groups do. Where I beg to differ is their collective belief that one progresses by a step by step acquisition of knowledge. I guess my view is I am already Truth and simply unfolding my realisation of truth. It was a very interesting experience and I very much enjoyed speaking to people I met at the meeting.

I believe there is only one Truth. My life is how I unfold Truth. The same is true about love. The only way I can love is how I experience love from Self/Spirit. The Spirit loves me without judgment; the Spirit is patient with me no matter how many times I go astray; the Spirit wants the best for me; the Spirit gives me the freedom to choose to be Truth, and if not to choose again. The Spirit and I are one. Thus, I can only be and demonstrate the love that I am.

There are many truth teachings I have come across that resonate with my personal relationship with Spirit. While I appreciate communing with fellow “truth seekers,” I know that my “path” is between me and God alone. No collective belief has any influence on that relationship.

I am Truth,