An analytical mind cannot gauge the depths of mystery that has shrouded our life, soul, and God. It was on 12 July 1977 at 4.30 PM that I surrendered to God and inscribed in my notebook, maintained at that time, “I accept my defeat in the spiritual battle with God” and signed below it. Then I recorded:
1. Knowledge without application is useless;
2. Devotion without faith and belief is useless;
3. God is the super power, the Creator of the universe.
Further, I wrote: “This defeat is sweeter than the victory, however this is always a one-sided game.” Thereafter, I tried to search for a suitable spiritual teacher having knowledge of both, science and philosophy (Please see my article: Meeting my higher self). Though I was not successful at that time, it was in the year 2002 that I surrendered to a saint for further progress.
On 20 August 1977 I experienced a brief death of about 4-5 minutes, and after that I felt unimaginable happiness on witnessing my own physical death (Please see my article: Death – a great spiritual teacher, indeed!). Thereafter, I remained engrossed mentally, for 4-5 years, trying to understand the mystery of death. I had Srimad Bhagwad Gita (SBG) with me round the clock and whenever I got a chance I read and tried to understand and follow it in routine life. In SBG, it is promised by the Lord that He removes the fear of death from the mind of a devotee, and what could be better than to show death to the devotee in a practical way. While reading SBG, I always felt that I am in the position of Arjun, a bewildered soul, and Lord Krishna Himself is clearing my doubts and revealing a kind of mystery about the higher goal of life.
Among several main Upanishads (great Indian philosophical treatises) I liked Kathopanishad in which Yamaraj (Lord of Death, also known as Lord of Truth and Righteousness) imparts knowledge of the self to a 10 year old child, Nachiketa but not before testing him. Yamaraj offers to Nachiketa various mundane aspirations of people, like offering 100 damsels for enjoyments, one hundred strong sons, wealth, and a vast kingdom to rule over it. Yamaraj doesn’t forget to offer a long life without which what is the use of having all these. Needless to say that these offers are most desired by all of us in life. Wise Nachiketa discards the offers saying that enjoyments can never satisfy a person and that these would also affect his vigour by weakening the sense organs. Further, any amount of wealth and a large kingdom are never enough. Lastly, in the universe of no beginning and no ending, a long life will be a limited life and when it ends one would have to ponder on the question about the immortality of the soul again. Thus, after showing his reluctance in sense enjoyments and possessions, Nachiketa becomes a rightful disciple of Yamaraj for receiving the super knowledge about the soul and God.
The sooner the better is the principle of spiritual life. By the time I happened to follow these two scriptures fully in practice I had already developed a relationship with God as His servant or disciple, unknowingly. After the removal of mortal fear from my mind and following most of the spiritual principles my relationship developed gradually to friendliness, and then to becoming a parent to God (See: The spectrum of the love of God).
So far, I maintained a male-male relationship with God being myself a servant, friend and parent.
What about developing a paramour kind of love with God? Considering oneself as a lady, having all affections to God as a boy, younger than 11 years of age – this innocent relationship is most open in every aspect (See: Paramour Love – enjoying the eternal relationship with God). Here lust, passions and desires are absent except a desire to serve Him lovingly without any kind of inhibition. Of course, the lady develops various moods among which the feelings of separation are considered best. Though it is more intense than the feelings normally experienced in the worldly kind of paramour relationship, it gives so much satisfaction that the lady feels satisfied entirely and eternally too. This satisfaction is due to not forgetting the Lord even for a single moment.
In society the paramour kind of love is very risky, but in the spiritual kingdom things are totally different in most cases. For example, in the world we are always taking care of self-interests and remain dissatisfied, while in spirituality one always considers the other’s welfare and gains happiness.
It is the mind, which is the house of tension, fear, and anxiety. Emptying it from such negative feelings and then filling it with true knowledge and a divine relationship seems to be the most desirable gain in life.
SP Sharma, India