A few months back I met this man who told me about how he was abused as a child. He said even though he’s now in his seventies, he’s still hurting.
“You know, I can relate to your experience,” I said. “A lot of people go through stuff as children. Tell me, how are you feeling at the moment?”
“Fine,” he said. “Why do you ask?”
“Well, are you going through abuse now?”
“Right now, as you’re speaking to me, you’re happy, aren’t you?”
He couldn’t relate to what I was saying, which is not surprising. I’m sure we’ve all been there when you’re so focused on your pain you can’t see all the love and goodness that’s around you. Reminds me of a wonderful song called Patience by Take That which goes:
Just have a little patience
I’m still hurting from a love I lost,
I’m feeling your frustration.
Any minute all the pain will stop.
Just hold me close inside your arms tonight,
Don’t be too hard on my emotions
Cause I need time.
My heart is numb, has no feeling.
So while I’m still healing,
Just try and have a little patience.
I really wanna start over again,
I know you wanna be my salvation.
The one that I can always depend.
I’ll try to be strong. Believe me,
I’m trying to move on,
It’s complicated but understand me. Patience
The song represents the universal human condition where people have many issues to deal with.
I want to love you but I can’t because I’m hurting from a previous relationship.
I want to trust you but I can’t because my parents broke my trust.
Maybe, if you love me I’ll be able to heal.
You are soon on a quest to find your salvation in the form of other relationships, spiritual gurus, religion, alcohol, drugs, gambling, therapy etc.
I sought salvation in relationships but when that didn’t work out I went through six months of psychotherapy to discover why my relationships weren’t working. According to my therapist, I had a lot of emotional issues from my childhood to deal with. She recommended that along with the sessions with her, I needed to do group therapy with women survivors who had had similar experiences. One day in a group therapy session, as I was listening to the many horror stories, which made me feel as if I wasn’t worthy to be in the group, I had this thought that I was stuck. I could see that instead of seeing ourselves as victims, we were seeing ourselves as survivors. A victim looks at herself in the mirror and sees a survivor; both are different sides of the same coin. I realised I was neither a survivor nor a victim, I was me. I stopped all therapy.
We get trapped in our stories because we believe our thoughts and emotions are in control. In other words, our thoughts, emotions and experiences are the cause of our lives. When I stopped seeing myself as a victim or survivor, it raised an important question for me: If I’m not my thoughts, emotions and experiences, who am I?
“Mind, nor intellect, nor ego, feeling;
Sky nor earth nor metals am I.
I am He, I am He, Blessed Spirit, I am He!
No birth, no death, no caste have I;
Father, mother, have I none.
I am He, I am He, Blessed Spirit, I am He!
Beyond the flights of fancy, formless am I,
Permeating the limbs of all life;
Bondage I do not fear; I am free, ever free,
I am He, I am He, Blessed Spirit, I am He!” Autobiography of a Yogi
I am that which is free from all concepts. I am freedom. I am spirit. I am causeless.
What do I mean by causeless?
Causeless means without a cause. It means I am consciousness that has always existed and will always exist. Consciousness is all there is.
Right now as I’m typing this piece, there is nothing but Consciousness. Consciousness pervades and interpenetrates all that appears. Consciousness is in all things and is all things.
Because Consciousness is all there is, there is no other cause. Therefore, the universe hasn’t got a material cause nor is it mental, it is Spirit which is causeless.
Now, Consciousness has many attributes. Love is one such attribute that we can all relate to. I don’t mean the emotional love that is here today and gone like the wind, but Love as essence that is always present. You don’t have to do anything to experience Love, Love is; and Love is causeless.
Love knows nothing of time and space. How can there be time and space when Love is all time and space? Time and space only makes sense when you see yourself as separate from what you are experiencing. Where there is only Love, then it is Love moving from Love through Love to Love. There is nothing but Love.
I am Consciousness; I am Love.